One for computer illiterates?

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; without Cause".


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; (Now I know why they record these conversations!)


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "What sort of trouble??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; words went away."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Went away?"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "They disappeared."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Nothing."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Nothing??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "How do I tell?"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; screen?"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; anything I type."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "What's a monitor?"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "I don't know."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Yes, I think so."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; plugged into the wall.


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Yes, it is."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "No."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; and find the other cable."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Okay, here it is."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; into the back of your computer."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "I can't reach."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "No."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; way over??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; because it's dark."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Dark??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; is coming in from the window."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "I can't."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "No? Why not??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Because there's a power failure."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; your computer came in??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; bought it from."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt;


%26gt;%26gt; %26gt; Operator: "Tell them you're too bloody stupid to own a computer.

One for computer illiterates?
%26gt;%26gt; Very funny...Hehee!.....


Ok, I'll shame facedly tell you what I did the very first week I had the internet connected.......I didn't know much about it at the time..........


I thought some malicious person was trying to access my PC remotely.....So, not knowing what else to do, I rang my ISP in a panic ~ I explained that I kept getting messages that my PC was trying to connect to a 'remote system'...........It turned out that it was my PC trying to connect to my ISP's system to get to the net.............


I heard a great guffawff of laughter being held in on the other end of the phone as the poor man tried to explain the basics to me........I was very red-faced by the time I hung up the phone.
Reply:funny sounds like my sister lol
Reply:Yes, that's good.
Reply:The operator should have gotten a raise in pay.
Reply:LOL some people are hard to help...LOL
Reply:Oh man, that was funny! Thanks for that!
Reply:Okay, so the employee was rude... but did that guy seriously not know how to use a computer? I think they're both at fault here, but he shouldn't have been fired, only reprimanded for being rude to a client. Unless it's happened before- then he should be fired.
Reply:made me LOL!
Reply:thats the best joke ive heard in a long time
Reply:Good one though long.
Reply:o my gosh that is sooo funny. i would love to meet the operater. cant stop laughing
Reply:OMG, that was hillarious.......i still cant stop laughing:)
Reply:The caller is probably blond. lol
Reply:Haaah . Good 1
Reply:That's hilarious!!!!
Reply:%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; Funny.


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; But the next time you copy and


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; paste a forwarded e-mail into


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; YA, do us the favor of removing


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; all those arrows.
Reply:lol love it!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Reply:yeah, funny, but only mostly true - the "true" stuff ended with the tech's discovering that he was dealing with a user who was attempting to access a computer during a power outage. Everything from that point on is what he wished he could have said but wisely kept to himself.





Here's the tech's original post (http://www.progress.demon.co.uk/Fun/Trou... to alt.shenanigans:





From: dwiebe@csi.compuserve.com


Newsgroups: alt.shenanigans


Subject: Re: phonestuff





cyberknght@aol.com (CyberKnght) writes:


%26gt;I like that idea!


%26gt;


%26gt;When I worked as a customer service rep at the cable company, few things


%26gt;frustrated me more than vague customers.


%26gt;


%26gt;"Hi. My cable's not working right"


%26gt; [...]


%26gt;"How do I tell if my TV is on channel 3?"


%26gt;


%26gt;And on and on and on and on... this kind of call was typical of my day at


%26gt;the cable company





This reminds me of a call I got from a faculty member when I was


computer-assisting my way through college:





"Welch Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"


"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."


[Instant voice-recognition: I know it's a particularly ditzy blonde French


professor with whom I have had prior dealings.]


"What sort of trouble, Dr. B?"


"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went


away."


"Went away?"


"They disappeared."


"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"


"Nothing."


"Nothing?"


"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."


"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"


"How do I tell?"


[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]


"Can you see the C:\%26gt; prompt on the screen?"


"What's a sea-prompt?"


[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]


"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"


"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."


[Ah--at least she knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem.


I wonder if she's kicked out her monitor's power plug.]


"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"


"What's a monitor?"


"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have


a little light that tells you when it's on?"


"I don't know."


"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord


goes into it. Can you see that?"


[sound of rustling and jostling]


[muffled] "Yes, I think so."


"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the


wall."


[pause]


"Yes, it is."


[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt she would have accidentally turned


it off, and I don't want to send her hunting for the power switch because


I don't know what kind of monitor she has and it's bound to have more than


one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]


"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two


cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"


"No."


"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other


cable."


[rustle rustle]


[muffled] "Okay, here it is."


"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of


your computer."


[still muffled] "I can't reach."


"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"


[clear again] "No."


"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"


"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because


it's dark."


"Dark?"


"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming


in from the window."


"Well, turn on the office light then."


"I can't."


"No? Why not?"


"Because there's a power outage."


"A p--!"


[ARGH!]





This woman was good friends with my supervisor, who was also a French


professor (still is, matter of fact--and in addition, she's now also my wife),


so I couldn't deal with her the way I really wanted to, and was forced to


explain sweetly and gently to her that computers needed power just like office


lights, and if the office lights were out, then the computer was too, and that


yes, if she hadn't saved her work she had probably lost everything she'd done


so far in WordPerfect. But I could still fantasize:





"A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the


boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"


"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."


"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was


when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."


"Really? Is it that bad?"


"Yes, I'm afraid it is."


"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"


"Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!"


[slam]





But that wouldn't have been a very nice thing to do, now would it?
Reply:LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

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